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Man's Best Friend
All About Dogs

Dog property laws:

•   If I like it, it's mine.
•   If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
•   If I can take it from you, it's mine.
•   If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
•   If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
•   If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
•   If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
•   If I saw it first, it's mine.
•   If it's broken, it's yours.

How dogs and men are the same:

•   Both take up too much space on the bed.
•   Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
•   Neither tells you what's bothering them.
•   The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
•   Neither understands what you see in cats.
•   Neither does any dishes.
•   Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.
•   Both are suspicious of the postman.
•   How dogs are better than men:
•   Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
•   Dogs miss you when you're gone.
•   Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
•   Dogs admit when they're jealous.
•   Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
•   Dogs do not play games with you except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
•   You can train a dog.
•   Dogs are easy to buy for.
•   Dogs understand what "no" means.
•   Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Top 10 reasons a dog is better than a woman:

•   A dog's parents will never visit you.
•   A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
•   A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
•   A dog never expects you to telephone.
•   A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
•   A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
•   A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
•   A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
•   The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
•   A dog does not shop.

Things dogs have to remember:

•   The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
•   I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
•   I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
•   I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
•   I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
•   I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
•   I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
•   "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
•   The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
•   I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
•   My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
•   I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

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